After a very hectic day, the boyfriend and I came home to make a quick pizza with homemade tomato sauce, prosciutto, shiitake mushrooms, and herbed goat cheese. Just to top it off I sprinkled it with truffle oil (I'm addicted, I confess). While we waited for the pizza to bake, we got sucked into America's Next Top Model in its seasonal "We're going overseas!!!" episode. Watching the ghetto Asian girl slink her way around and embarrass all Asians was well worth an hour of my time. And of course how can you overlook the fact Tyra & co. had the most stereotypical Dutch symbols everywhere? The porcelain windmill she held in her hand was exactly the type you buy for 1E (I know, I gave away many as souvenirs). Yes, American cultural sensitivity at the best (we all heard the bad French accent too, yes?). Anyhow, we were almost ready to turn off our TV when previews of Stylista came on. I forced both my roommate and boyfriend to sit their bottoms back down so we could watch.
The Gimmick
A group of young, aspiring (many poorly dressed) fashion journalists come to Elle magazine to compete for a chance to be junior fashion editor. This is a chance of a lifetime (sort of) and all the contestants are going to bitchfight it out. They have to do menial jobs like prepare breakfast for Anne Slowey (Elle's fashion news editor) and host her niece's (aka crazy braceface) birthday party. Tantrums ensure, boobs are seen, guys act unbelievably gay, and of course lots of expensive clothes are showcased.
Pros
1) The cast. As I sat through Danielle's painful confession on her...double chin...I had to applaud the casting crew. Not only have they got the love-to-hate-her bitch!Megan (with experience, style, and money...anyone remembering Melrose on ANTM 7?), they also pulled in the overconfident!Devin from NYU. What a blemish to the face of the school (and its bullshit majors) but what a fantastic character on screen. William is just awesomely gay with a British accent--great duo there--and how can we forget BOOBS. Oh wait, her name may be Kate? Sitting through her "I love my clothes!" fit was possibly the most enjoyable part of the entire hour. The other characters are a bit more bland, though my boyfriend loves DyShaun (and his Gucci loafers) and my roommate is all for Cologne (terrible name, poor girl). I can already feel the steam rising as Megan eyes Danielle through over-shadowed eyes, and Kate blames everyone for trying to "change her". The next episode promises an ambulance call--and it looks like it may be Jason. Sweet sweet drama. Does Stylista do transformations like Top Model? Because I would love to see Jason's hair go.
2) Location, location. Most reality TV shows have the stars living in plush palaces, lit pool and all. At least the Apprentice painted sombre colors on the set to enhance moodiness. Stylista is genius for setting these poor people up in bunk beds with barely a kitchen. How long do I have to wait until Megan rips her couch to shreds and takes Kate's bed? Us viewers are watching for fights--namely, catfights. I can picture cereal-throwing, boob flaunting, and serious sink-space fights in my head already. That Devin girl is going to go psycho soon (maybe she'll realize she has no talent at graphics OR clothes) and claw someone's skin out--and I will be eating popcorn and laughing.
3) The clothes. C'mon--if we're watching, we love fashion. There is nothing better than watching a parade of fashionistas in designer clothes. I may not be the biggest fan of Anne's style, but I think we can agree she's pretty ballin'. Did anyone else spot that humongous piece masquerading as a necklace during the breakfast scene? It looked like a granite slab from the medieval period--and probably costs more than Wharton tuition. I do like Megan's personal style, though Joe Zee was absolutely right about that Chanel on her figure. What I'm really looking forward to is getting a more (envious) glimpse into the closet of Kate Lanphear, whom is always dressed well.
Cons
1) The prizes. There is simply too little at stake. Junior editor for Elle (is that a free internship or something?) and free rent? Oh, don't forget the year's worth of crappy clothes from H&M! C'mon, this show is produced by Tyra Banks--didn't she have any better ideas? Maybe throw in a Goyard trunk or something--those contestants need a little bit of money to keep their sights straight!
2) The firing phrase. "You're not the right fit." That sounds like some sort of pun Tyra would come up with ANTM. What was Elle thinking when they used this? Do they actually fire people with that phrase? Something more jarring would be so much more interesting ("You're just a wannabe!" or even "We don't want you to write at Elle"), plus the crushed look on the dejected contestant's face would be 1000x more sincere.
3) The plot (or lack thereof). There is no buildup. The plot reminds me of what is fundamentally wrong about the new 90210--everyone forgets the last thing that happened immediately. There is no plot buildup. The entire storyline seems very piecemeal and doesn't flow very well. Even the firing section has only a mediocre buildup. What writer is coming up with these challenges? Ok, the breakfast was entertaining because some people were clueless, but the magazine spread? Seriously? How are a bunch of contestants cutting up paper and typing away supposed to keep me riveted to my seat? I don't get it...hopefully something more exciting will happen next week.
4) Anne, Elle, and the uncanny imitation of the Devil Wears Prada. LA times nailed this. Anne Slowey is no Anna Wintour, and really shouldn't act like one. Wintour is repeatedly named one of the most powerful women in fashion; Anne Slowey is not on that list. Also, Anne just seems uncomfortable and awkward--and stiff. Whereas Tyra on ANTM is in her element (being crazy), Anne Slowey seems like she's acting. The way Anne dumps her clothes on her assistant's desk (just like in DWP) and swivels in her chair (just like DWP) and is picky about her food (just like DWP) and has a male assistant (just like DWP) gets me confused if I'm watching a Chinese bootleg of the Devil Wears Prada or a new TV series. Please, stop with the imitations! Elle is no Vogue, so cut the act. Just watch this video of Anne showing us her closet for proof. She is not dolled up, her hair is casually tied back, and she's not a rigid bitch. I bet she just eats cereal for breakfast; no fancy dried mango or little flowers. Watching Anne parade around like a self-righteous prick was kind of grating.
5) It's on at Wednesdays after Bones. I can't sit in front of the TV for two hours.
Final Verdict
I'll probably catch it streaming online. The catfighting is spectacular (Megan and Ashlie till death!), Devin's stupidity shows no bounds (nor does Kate's cleavage). I am looking forward to confrontation, backstabbing, cussing in different accents, crying, and possibly some expensive ruined clothing. I'm waiting for some fashion shows, shows, interviews, and some hard ass style critique. This is still a show I get "in" to because I do want a job of a vaguely similar field (CondeNast, marketing) so watching these contestants and rooting for one of them gives me a vicarious joy. Let the most fabulous bitch win!
